DIFFERENT LUCK

DIFFERENT LUCK

Two soldiers met in the street one day and one of the chaps had a row of medals across his chest/

The other one remarked, “Where did you get all of those?”

“Gunnery.”

“The hell you say. I had it three years ago but I never got decorated.”

POWDER

A war vet was bragging about his war exploits.

“I still smell of powder!” he exclaimed.

“Yes, but it’s talcum powder,” commented one of the listeners.

Another wit remarked: “He is sure well familiar with powder. He must have taken it so many times.”

 BEHAVIOR REPORT

A soldier was writing a letter home. He was in the midst composing it when another soldier came up to him and peered over his shoulder. “Writing a behavior report? Mind making a carbon copy?”

SAD SACK’S SMILES

                                                             SUCCESS

A news-man asked an American commander:

“Sir, could you mention any military success of your troops?”

“Why, of course! For example, they were conducting a big search and destroy operation yesterday and, after a fierce battle, our men succeeded again in withdrawing safely.”

JUST THE PROPER MOMENT

Troops were poised to go into an assault. Just when the command ‘Over the top!’ was given, a soldier asked his CO: “Sir, may I get my annual leave to see my wife now?”

AT ONCE

The company was about to take the field for some tactical exercise and for the firts time in their service men were falling-in in full packs. But Private Swift, who was an actor in Civvie Street, appeared not in the field uniform, without his pack and gas mask. The sergeant roared:”What’s the matter, Swift, why not in full field uniform?”

“How come,” protested the ex-comedian ” the very first rehearsal and already in full dress and a mask?!”

TOO EARLY

One girl expressed her grieves to her friend: “What a pity that generals marry when they are lieutenants!”

ARMY HUMOR

ENGINEERING

After explaining the basic data of his engineering project the unit engineer concluded: “That’s all; the rest is only pick-and-shovel work on the slide rule.”

USUAL PRACTICE

The Special Forces were being trained for a secret mission. They were given an extremely tough obstacle course – swimming across a raging river, running up a vertical cliff, scrambling through barbed wire entanglements and climbing steep hills with full equipment.

As they came to the end of their training period, a colonel barked to a soldier from a mountain country. “How do you like it, soldier?”

“Shucks, sir, it ain’t nothin’,” drawled the soldier. “Where I came from we have to go through country like this to get to the toilet!”

SPEED DEMON

An M.P. on a highway flagged down a military truck driver.

“Why are you going 90 miles an hour, Private?” he demanded.

“Why, I just washed the truck and was drying it off,” the driver answered.

RANKS

The small boy was bragging about his uncle’s newest promotion.

“And,” he concluded proudly, “the longer he stays in the Army the ranker he gets.”

 

Fall out for laugh

I.Q. FOR THE ARMY 

A draft officer was asked: “How do you determine in the Army that your draftees are intelligent enough for service?”

“When the man appears for the examination at the draft board we usually ask him one clever question only.”

“What question?”

“We ask him: How long did the Thirty Year War last’?”

“And what?”

“Now we have to think of an easier one- most of the examinees fail to answer.”

MAIN REASON 

A candidate for assignment to command a ship in the Navy had to present his reasons for being able to hold his post to a board of examiners in navigation.

“Sir, I would make every effort not to let my ship sink because there’d be a board of inquiry to face; I’d lose my command, perhaps any chance of further promotion, and my personal effects; and, worst of all, I can’t swim.”

A LUCKY MAN 

An officer was passed by a soldier who didn’t salute. Determined to stand on the authority of his rank the officer shouted: “You there – do you see this uniform I am wearing?”

The soldier looked him up and down and said: “You are lucky, sir, look at the thing they gave me.”

SWIFTER 

The hostess entertains a pilot with gossips.

Then one asks: “Is it true that planes fly faster than sounds nowadays?”

“Moreover, they will soon fly faster than gossips.”

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DISTINCTIVE FEATURES 

Two Marsians with their many tentacles around their  bodies, the first to land on Earth, were very excited as they stepped out of their spaceship near a big town.

Pointing to the TV aerials on almost every house, one happily said: “Look – girls!”

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